Political Animal

Shots Fired

Shots Fired

Adrienne Truscott (2013 Edin­burgh Fringe Pan­el prizewin­ner) “I would’ve said [Tony] Abbott, because his tone-deaf­­ness makes it so easy, and after the George Bush years an Amer­ic­an could basic­ally recycle the same jokes with a quick name change! But that’s too lazy, and for my pur­poses Bill Cosby’s hubris is a pretty rich source for […]

Chuckles the Finance Minister

Chuckles the Finance Minister

Bill Eng­lish Des­pite polit­ics closely resem­bling an epis­ode of The Walk­ing Dead, watch­ing Bill Eng­lish unleash his anti-cha­risma on New Zea­l­and is still com­puls­ive view­ing for his stat­ist­ics, policies and, of course, jokes going down like lead bal­loons. Will his set-list be pre­dict­able, or are there sur­prises in store? If there are broken prom­ises, his […]

Cricket World Cup special

Cricket World Cup special

Crick­et and polit­ics have many things in com­mon — the highest form of each is both exhil­ar­at­ing to fans and excru­ci­at­ing to every­one else, and New Zea­l­and bats high­er than its aver­age on the world stage, espe­cially with Helen Clark clock­ing up out­rageous num­bers. In hon­our of such things, here’s the Government’s First XI.   Aggressive […]

Fun from the fringes

Fun from the fringes

Dav­id Seymour’s ‘See-Mo’ Mous­tache For Movem­ber, Sey­mour grew what could only be described as ‘The Epsom Ban­dito’. Like a slightly uncool Mag­num PI, it was per­fect for a man look­ing to be the annoy­ing stick-poker to the Left. Then, like the prom­ise of a sur­plus, it was gone almost as if it was nev­er there, […]

The 2014 FishHead Political Awards

The 2014 FishHead Political Awards

Gov­ern­ment MP of the Year John Key ‘King Key’ doesn’t work with a Kiwi accent, but ‘Teflon John’ high­lights how noth­ing stuck pre-elec­­tion. From slid­ing polls to elec­tion dom­in­ance, he rope-a-doped his oppon­ents. The fact that Labour and Greens are already talk­ing about ‘Key 2017’ shows how hard the knock­out was.   Oppos­i­tion MP of the Year Winston […]

Out with the old, in view with the new

Out with the old, in view with the new

Hone Har­awira How sat­ir­ists, and the com­mon work­er, will miss the great firebrand of Māor­i­dom. Yes, his fatal decision to go full Dot­com proved his undo­ing, but it’s not his loss alone. Hone had a way of pro­vok­ing people that meant his polit­ics, for bet­ter or worse, stuck in people’s minds. Revolu­tion­ary, thug, pup­pet, lone […]

The Other Election

The Other Election

I strongly sug­gest you look up Fiji and its coups in order to under­stand fully the import­ance of this elec­tion. My fam­ily has lived in Fiji since 1996. Dur­ing the 2000 ‘Speight Coup’ the mil­it­ary took over my Dad’s house as its base of oper­a­tions, which led to him unex­pec­tedly show­ing up at my place […]

Election 2014

Election 2014

Nation­al: 48% Sorry #teamkey, they won’t get 50 per­cent. But only just. This is National’s elec­tion to lose, and John Key doesn’t only hold all the cards — he’s deal­ing… in his casino. Nation­al, with sup­port from United and Māori, should bring it home, albeit with vul­ner­ab­il­it­ies. Just as Labour’s 2011 par­alleled National’s 2002, look […]

Behold the dark horses

Behold the dark horses

Nicky Wag­n­er (Nation­al, Christ­ch­urch Cent­ral) Thanks to Maurice Wil­li­am­son, this pre­vi­ously unher­al­ded MP finds her­self Asso­ci­ate Min­is­ter of Con­ser­va­tion and Can­ter­bury Earth­quake Recov­ery, finally get­ting her some trac­tion. Best known for beat­ing Brendan Burns (which would make a great film title) by 47 votes and break­ing one of Labour’s fort­ress elect­or­ates. Only Paula Bennett’s legendary […]

Miracle Time

Miracle Time

  Nation­al Every­body in the coun­try gets cash New Zea­l­and itself will be lis­ted on the NZX and all New Zeal­anders will be enrolled auto­mat­ic­ally as share­hold­ers. Added salt in the wound — they’ll name it ‘KiwiS­hares’. Labour Dav­id Cun­liffe phys­ic­ally knocks out John Key Be hon­est Labour sup­port­ers, this is what you’re actu­ally dying for; in […]