Opinion

Shots Fired

Shots Fired

Adrienne Truscott (2013 Edin­burgh Fringe Pan­el prizewin­ner) “I would’ve said [Tony] Abbott, because his tone-deaf­­ness makes it so easy, and after the George Bush years an Amer­ic­an could basic­ally recycle the same jokes with a quick name change! But that’s too lazy, and for my pur­poses Bill Cosby’s hubris is a pretty rich source for […]

Chuckles the Finance Minister

Chuckles the Finance Minister

Bill Eng­lish Des­pite polit­ics closely resem­bling an epis­ode of The Walk­ing Dead, watch­ing Bill Eng­lish unleash his anti-cha­risma on New Zea­l­and is still com­puls­ive view­ing for his stat­ist­ics, policies and, of course, jokes going down like lead bal­loons. Will his set-list be pre­dict­able, or are there sur­prises in store? If there are broken prom­ises, his […]

More hurrahs to come?

More hurrahs to come?

Rival­ries, on the whole, are a bit of fun. Sib­ling rival­ries, trans-Tas­­man rival­ries, glee­fully venom­ous but prob­ably made-up rival­ries on real­ity shows. It’s all just a harm­less, some­what pass­ive-aggress­ive gag. How­ever, there’s one rivalry in par­tic­u­lar that really riles me, and that’s the rivalry — or pre­tend rivalry — between Wel­ling­ton and Auck­land. I lived in Auckland […]

Cricket World Cup special

Cricket World Cup special

Crick­et and polit­ics have many things in com­mon — the highest form of each is both exhil­ar­at­ing to fans and excru­ci­at­ing to every­one else, and New Zea­l­and bats high­er than its aver­age on the world stage, espe­cially with Helen Clark clock­ing up out­rageous num­bers. In hon­our of such things, here’s the Government’s First XI.   Aggressive […]

Fun from the fringes

Fun from the fringes

Dav­id Seymour’s ‘See-Mo’ Mous­tache For Movem­ber, Sey­mour grew what could only be described as ‘The Epsom Ban­dito’. Like a slightly uncool Mag­num PI, it was per­fect for a man look­ing to be the annoy­ing stick-poker to the Left. Then, like the prom­ise of a sur­plus, it was gone almost as if it was nev­er there, […]

WGT vs. AKL

WGT vs. AKL

Eight years ago I moved to Wel­ling­ton. I’ve wanted to go home ever since. I’ve tried to find a way every year. But not this year. This year I’m set­tling in. One of my best friends and I moved down from Auck­land almost sim­ul­tan­eously. We moved into a flat in Hataitai. Big mis­take. “Oh,” thought the […]

Selling the silver

Selling the silver

I slam the laptop shut, lock my fin­gers behind my head and lean back in a self-con­­­grat­u­lat­ory stretch. I’ve just flogged off a room­ful of fur­niture. After all the advert­ising and auc­tions and auto­bids, I’ve made a sweet $1,700. On the oth­er side of the room sits a man star­ing glumly into the dis­tance. He’s […]

The Other Election

The Other Election

I strongly sug­gest you look up Fiji and its coups in order to under­stand fully the import­ance of this elec­tion. My fam­ily has lived in Fiji since 1996. Dur­ing the 2000 ‘Speight Coup’ the mil­it­ary took over my Dad’s house as its base of oper­a­tions, which led to him unex­pec­tedly show­ing up at my place […]

Election 2014

Election 2014

Nation­al: 48% Sorry #teamkey, they won’t get 50 per­cent. But only just. This is National’s elec­tion to lose, and John Key doesn’t only hold all the cards — he’s deal­ing… in his casino. Nation­al, with sup­port from United and Māori, should bring it home, albeit with vul­ner­ab­il­it­ies. Just as Labour’s 2011 par­alleled National’s 2002, look […]

The Big Budget Bash

The Big Budget Bash

In the red corner comes the chal­lenger: the Eco­nom­ic Policy Evis­cer­at­ors, the Gurus of Growth, the Kiwi Namers — theeee… LABOUR PARTY!! And in the blue corner, the defend­ing cham­pi­on: the Fisc­al Frump­ers, the Asset Alle­vi­at­ors, the Mates Rates Maraud­ers — theeee… NATIONAL PARTY!! Ref­er­ee Win­ston Peters asks for a clean fight, then spits on […]