Girl About Town

Mind the technology gap

Mind the technology gap

This year, the Oxford Juni­or Dic­tion­ary, aimed at sev­en-year-olds, decided to ditch some words. They had too many pages appar­ently, so they got chop­ping; chest­nuts, mag­pies, leo­pards and larks are out. Blog­ging, chat rooms and cut-and-paste are in. Net over nature, Out­look over the out­doors. A move to mod­ern­ise, they said, a pro­foundly sad move […]

More hurrahs to come?

More hurrahs to come?

Rival­ries, on the whole, are a bit of fun. Sib­ling rival­ries, trans-Tas­­man rival­ries, glee­fully venom­ous but prob­ably made-up rival­ries on real­ity shows. It’s all just a harm­less, some­what pass­ive-aggress­ive gag. How­ever, there’s one rivalry in par­tic­u­lar that really riles me, and that’s the rivalry — or pre­tend rivalry — between Wel­ling­ton and Auck­land. I lived in Auckland […]

WGT vs. AKL

WGT vs. AKL

Eight years ago I moved to Wel­ling­ton. I’ve wanted to go home ever since. I’ve tried to find a way every year. But not this year. This year I’m set­tling in. One of my best friends and I moved down from Auck­land almost sim­ul­tan­eously. We moved into a flat in Hataitai. Big mis­take. “Oh,” thought the […]

Selling the silver

Selling the silver

I slam the laptop shut, lock my fin­gers behind my head and lean back in a self-con­­­grat­u­lat­ory stretch. I’ve just flogged off a room­ful of fur­niture. After all the advert­ising and auc­tions and auto­bids, I’ve made a sweet $1,700. On the oth­er side of the room sits a man star­ing glumly into the dis­tance. He’s […]

Getting On

Getting On

My friend says I look pouty, like I’ve had col­la­gen. I know she’s being kind. It really just looks like I’ve been punched in the mouth and my mar­riage needs inter­ven­tion. For the record, my mar­riage doesn’t need inter­ven­tion. I just need to learn to surf instead of face plant­ing into the sand. But dammit, […]

Bean Addicted

Bean Addicted

It took anoth­er city to expose my addic­tion. It wasn’t because Christ­ch­urch is on the decaf. It’s because Christ­ch­urch had an earth­quake. It was the day after the shake, 9 in the morn­ing. The city was in ruins. People were queuing for drink­ing water. I was on a mis­sion to find caf­feine. I’d been searching […]

Vote?

Vote?

The oth­er day I had a cof­fee with a hip­ster called Richard. He has a bean­ie, a beard and a broken arm from a bicycle acci­dent. Of course he rides a bicycle. Prob­ably one with a chirp-chirp bell like all the oth­er quaint hip­sters. Any­way, the oth­er day Richard changed my mind about idi­ots who […]

A column for boys

A column for boys

    Good guys grow beards. Dumble­dore had a beard. Jesus had a beard before him. Santa has the best beard of all. You should have a beard. And you prob­ably do, because everyone’s wear­ing them now. Even the old guy in the Work­ing Style ad on the back of this magazine is in full […]

Crying like a girl

Crying like a girl

My friend has been struck by an insan­ity induced by the pres­ence of chil­dren. She cries when she sees tod­dlers hug­ging their par­ents, obli­vi­ous to the fact that the par­ent is only just restrain­ing them­selves from squeez­ing the liv­ing day­lights out of the brat who, only moments ago, stopped cry­ing after three days straight. She […]

Toss a Coin

Toss a Coin

He’s become a well-known fig­ure around Cour­tenay Place, Mr Excuse Me. He’s not quite up there with Blanket­man, but in our hood Mr Excuse Me is a like­able vag­a­bond. He’s the guy milling out­side the Fix con­veni­ence store ask­ing for coins. He waits until you’re with­in arm’s length before shuff­ling into your path, lock­ing eyes […]