I refuse to take anything seriously before the Budget, so instead let’s look at the bit players, political parties with an MP count of one… or less.
Peter Dunne Party
The man who in 2013 faced more accusations of internal affairs than any other politician has been appointed Minister of Internal Affairs, in the most non-ironical ironic appointment since Labour made Winston Peters Minister of Foreign Affairs.
Then again, Peter Dunne is the old one-man army known as United Future, so perhaps irony will be his 2014 forte.
‘Conservative Party’ sounds like a fancy way of saying ‘cup of tea’, but those are a big deal on the political right.
Colin Craig plays political poker like it’s Snap, and is a less cool version of Kim Dotcom, but anything can happen once he starts talking. The Bilbo Baggins of Rodney certainly has ambitions to break into Parliament, with his daring sound bites and ‘old school’ values/policies. If he can just get past that Moon landing first…
You’d think the National corporation would swallow up ACT’s small business, but it’s a new year with new leading men.
Dr Jamie Whyte, middle-aged philosopher, takes the reins of the drunk uncle that is ACT (A Coalition Time-bomb?), while bright-eyed David Seymour gives Gareth Hughes hope that someone who looks younger than him may finally be elected to Parliament.
Sure, he launched a political party and a pop album in the same week and no one can tell which one was the press stunt for the other, but there’s the slimmest of possibilities Kim Dotcom could become the Winston of the Youth. We’ll know how serious his chances are by how much information the GCSB suddenly finds itself able to release about him.
Don’t expect cracks to show under fire either. He’s a computer gamer through and through, and neither politicians nor the press gallery can match the ferocity of Call of Duty forums. Also, he’s a billionaire.
The Wolverine of New Zealand politics has a small dilemma in that no one really wants to form a government with him on board. And yet Hone Harawira’s combination of personality and travel (you’d be surprised where Mana turns up) makes him almost more of a successor to Parekura Horomia than Shane Jones.
If that sounds a bit too sympathetic, it’s probably because I’m excited by the prospect of his lieutenants getting in: John Minto, Annette Sykes and a returning Sue Bradford are such forces of nature, people might actually watch Parliament TV.
Some form of Pasifika Party that involves David Tua
A Pacific-focused party has been tried before, but not with the God of Pacific Boxing.
As with the Maori vote, don’t assume Pasifika can’t rally or are blindly loyal to anyone. David Tua’s got more media training than any politician, and a knack for self-deprecation. With the right backing, and in the right seat (say it with me), “he could be a contender”.
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